Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Court Disorders @ it Best


There is a book called Disorder in the Court. These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters – who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

Some of these are excellent …
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.


Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the accident?
A: Gucci sweatshirt and Reeboks.

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?


Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?


Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: By whose death was it terminated?


Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?


Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.


Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.


Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.


Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Check before you Send


A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room,
so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife.
However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and without
realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile….Somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned from her
husband’s funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting condolence
messages from relatives and friends.
After reading the first message, she fainted. The
widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and
saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I’ve Reached
Date: 16 May 2004
I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They gave computers here,
and we are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones.
I’ve just reached and have been checked in.
I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Only great minds can read this 

This is weird, but interesting!  
 If yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too 

   


  
Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. 
  
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it 


An Amazing Love Story


He met her on a party. She was so outstanding, many guys chasing after her, while he so normal, nobody paid attention to him. At the end of the party, he invited her to have coffee with him, she was surprised, but due to being polite, she promised. They sat in a nice coffee shop, he was  too nervous to say anything, she felt uncomfortable, she thought, please, let me go home…. suddenly he asked the waiter. “would you please give me some salt? I’d like to put it in my coffee.”

Everybody stared at him, so strange! His face turned red, but still, he put the salt in his coffee and drank it. She asked him curiously; why you have this hobby? He replied: “when I was a little boy, I was living near the sea, I like playing in the sea, I could feel the taste of the sea, just like the taste of the salty coffee. Now every time I have the salty coffee, I always think of my childhood, think of my hometown, I miss my hometown so much, I miss my parents who are still living there”. While saying that tears filled his eyes. She was deeply touched.
That’s his true feeling, from the bottom of his heart. A man who can tell out his homesickness, he must be a man who loves home, cares about home, has responsibility of home. Then she also started to speak, spoke about her faraway hometown, her childhood, her family. That was a really nice talk, also a beautiful beginning of their story.
They continued to date. She found that actually he was a man who meets all her demands; he had tolerance, was kind hearted, warm, careful. He was such a good person but she almost missed him! Thanks to his salty coffee!
Then the story was just like every beautiful love story , the princess married to the prince, then they were living the happy life… And, every time she made coffee for him, she put some salt in the coffee, as she knew that’s the way he liked it.


After 40 years, he passed away, left her a letter which said: “My dearest, please forgive me, forgive my whole life lie. This was the only lie I said to you—the salty coffee. Remember the first time we dated? I was so nervous at that time, actually I wanted some sugar, but I said salt It was hard for me to change so I just went ahead.I never thought that could be the start of our communication! I tried to tell you the truth many times in my life, but I was too afraid to do that, as I have promised not to lie to you for anything..


Now I’m dying, I afraid of nothing so I tell you the truth: “I don’t like the salty coffee, what a strange bad taste.. But I have had the salty coffee for my whole life! Since I knew you, I never feel sorry for anything I do for you. Having you with me is my biggest happiness for my whole life. If I can live for the second time, still want to know you and have you for my whole life, even though I have to drink the salty coffee again”.
Her tears made the letter totally wet. Someday, someone asked her: what’s
the taste of salty coffee?





“It’s sweet”. She replied.


What is Love??


Once up on a Valentines Day...

Timmy: Daddy Daddy...

Dad: Yes Timmy !

Timmy: Daddy, I've got an assignment to write for school. Will you help me? Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Dad: Oh ! Okay !! What's yr assignment on?

Timmy: Love !

Dad: Wow ! You have an assignment on it ? In my days, the teachers were against our er... assignments ;)

Timmy: No Dad, we are supposed to write something on the meaning of love...its Valentines day, na !

Dad: Love...hmm lemme see !

Timmy: wait..wait... Lemme write it down... :)

Dad: Love... Love is about Lies !

Timmy: Lies ???

Dad: You see, Timmy... All my life, i have said lies in love & i've found it to be the best gift you can give a person.

Timmy: How, Dad?

Dad: Well, the first time i met yr was for a Valentines day 7 yrs ago. She was not the hottest of chicks in college, if you know wt i mean...

Timmy: Hot chick ?

Dad: You get it in due time, son... ;)
Anyways... i saw this cute girl standing at a corner of the dance floor. I heard one of my friends say that she couldn't get any date for the party. 
So here i was, cursing my luck as my date's grandmom expired n that left me in the same predicament ?

Timmy: Pedica ??

Dad: Predicament...means..eh, problem !

Timmy: Oh...

Dad: So i went upto yr Mom n told her.."Hey, How come such a beautiful lady like you does not have all the guys crooning over you?"
Now, i knew very well that even i wouldn't have asked her to dance if i had a choice, but it was that one little lie that got us together !

Timmy: But Dad, aint it bad to lie ?

Dad: Son, sometimes you have to lie to make the ppl you love happy !
Every Valentines day after that, i used to tell yr mom that she was the most beautiful girl in the whole world.
Now yes, i think she's cute & pretty in a special kind of way, but you tell me...Do you think she has the legs of Sharon Stone and the figure of Alicia Silverstone ?

Timmy: Eh... I dont know any of these stones, dad !

Dad: Hmm.. ok...Lets just say that yr mom was just an ordinary Wilma from the Flintstones !

Timmy: I know Wilma ! I know Wilma !!

Dad: Hehe... & then again...
When yr mom was pregnant with you... she used to ask me every day how she looked ? Did she look fat ?
Now frankly, she had gained about 30-40 pounds... & was always in one of her moods..
But i'd tell her.."Nooooooooooooo Honey, you are glowing ! You look fabulous !!
Now if i told her she looked like a fat cow, it would have hurt her !

Timmy: Ya...

Dad: So you see son...Love is when you say those little lies to keep someone happy !
ok... i've gotta go now... All the best with yr assignment...

Timmy: Bye Dad !

............................

Timmy: Love means lying ??? Maybe i'll ask Mom
Mommyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy...

Timmy: Mom..Mom... i have an assignment for school...you will help me, na !

Mom: Timmy, you know i'v to go out with daddy in another 1/2 hr

Timmy: Pleaseeeeeeeee Mommy !

Mom: ok...Timmy. wts the topic ?

Timmy: Eh... Love !

Mom: Love...Love is about knowing the goodness of a person's heart, honey !

Timmy: Goodness of heart ? huh ?

Mom: Its like this...
When i was in college, yr Dad used to tell me i should be in hollywood. Now i knew he was just lying, but i also knew that he dint want me in hollywood, but rt next to him!
& when i was pregnant, i used to look so fat i looked like Santa Claus ! But yr Dad would say i was looked weak n would feed me everything he could find !
His lies were so dumb, i even thought i had married a stupid...but the truth is that this stupid cared enough to lie...just to make me happy !

Timmy: But... he was lying, rt ?

Mom: Well honey...he was just being a guy !
& i knew everytime that he was lying to me... but every single time, i also knew that he said those lies coz he loved me !


Timmy: Hmm...

Mom: Ok honey... i'v to go get ready now. byeeeee

........................

Assignment
Topic : Love
Author : Timmy
  

Love... When someone lies to you n you smile... coz you know the person cares enough for yr happyness to lie to you !!!  

The End

See your own fault

A man feared his wife wasn'thearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearingaid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor todiscuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal testthe husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearingloss.

Here'swhat you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away fromher, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you.If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."

That evening, the wifeis in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself,"I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens." Then in a normaltone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?"

No response.

So the husband movesto closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey,what's for dinner?"

Still no response.

Next he moves into thedining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, Honey, what'sfor dinner?"

Again he gets no response so,

He walks up to the kitchendoor, about 10 feet away. "Honey,what's for dinner?"

Again there is no response.

So he walks right upbehind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?"

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

"James, for theFIFTH time I've said, CHICKEN!"

Conclusion; It’s Quite Humorous,but it depicts the reality.

The problem maynot be with the other one as we always think, could be very much withinus, however often we end up blaming others!

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Dedicated to all Angels


Once upon a time there was a child ready to be born. So one day he asked God: “They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?”
God replied, “Among the many angels, I chose one for you. She will be waiting for you and will take care of you.”
“But tell me, here in Heaven, I don’t do anything else but sing and smile, that’s enough for me to be happy.”
“Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you every day. And you will feel your angel’s love and be happy.”
“And how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me, if I don’t know the language that men talk?”
“Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak.”
“And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?”
“Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray.”
“I’ve heard that on earth there are bad men. Who will protect me?”
“Your angel will defend you even if it means risking its life.”
“But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore.”
“Your angel will always talk to you about me and will teach you the way for you to come back to me, even though I will always be next to you.”
At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from earth could already be heard, and the child in a hurry asked softly:
“Oh God, if I am about to leave now, please tell me my angel’s name.”
“Your angel’s name is of no importance, you will call your angel: Mommy.”


Elevator Truths


An Amish father and his oldest son were visiting a mall one day.

They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The son asked, “What is this Father?”
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.”

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, an overweight old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son Go get your Mother.”

No Second Chance


Obama goes on a State visit to Israel. While he is on a tour of Jerusalem, he has a fatal heart attack.
The undertakers tells the US diplomats: “You can have him shipped home for $1 million or you can bury him here in the Holy Land for $100.”
The US diplomats go into a huddle and come back to the undertaker and tell him they still want Obama flown home.

The undertaker is puzzled and asks: “Why would you spend $1 million to get him home when it would be wonderful to be buried here in this religious country and you would only spend $100?”
One diplomat replied: “More than 2000 years ago a man died there, was buried there, and just 3 days later he rose from the dead. We simply can’t take that risk.”

Monday, June 6, 2011

Wife's Reply


Wife replies to her husband




Dear Ex-Husband,
Nothing has made my day more enjoyable than receiving your letter. It’s true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a ‘good man’ is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. It’s just too bad it doesn’t work.


Yes, I did notice when you got a hair cut last week,,,and actually the first thing that came to my mind was “You look just like a girl”,,, but my mother raised me not to say anything at all if you can’t say anything nice. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with my SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because the price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was just a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your silk boxers were $49.99!!
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for twenty million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Hawaii. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you’ve always wanted.

My lawyer said with the letter that you wrote, you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed: Rich As Hell and Freeeeeeeeeeee!


P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this but my sister ‘Carla’…was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem for you.
Hahaaa. Hope you like =)

BreakUp letter 4rm Husband






Husband writes to his wife




Dear Wife,

I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you for good. I’ve been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn’t even notice that I had gotten a new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal, and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers later that night.
You came home, nibbled at your food for two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore, you don’t want sex anymore or anything. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me. Whichever is the case…..I’m gone.


Signed,
Your EX-Husband


P.S. Don’t try to find me. Your sister and I are moving away to West Virginia together. Have a great life!




>> Read the wife's reply in the next Post <<< Its cracking

Love Story



Once upon a time, there was an island where all the feelings lived: Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all of the others including Love. One day it was announced to the feelings that the island would sink, so all repaired their boats and left.


Love wanted to persevere until the last possible moment. When the island was almost sinking, Love decided to ask for help. Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat. Love said, “Richness, can you take me with you?” Richness answered, “No, I can’t. There is a lot of gold and silver in my boat. There is no place here for you.”


Love decided to ask Vanity who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel, “Vanity, please help me!” “I can’t help you Love. You are all wet and might damage my boat.” Vanity answered.

Sadness was close by so Love asked for help, “Sadness, let me go with you.” “Oh….Love, I am so sad that I need to be by myself!”


Happiness passed by Love too, but he was so happy that she did not even hear when Love called her!


Suddenly, there was a voice, “Come Love, I will take you.” It was an elder. Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that he even forgot to ask the elder his name. When they arrived at dry land, the elder went his own way.


Love realizing how much he owed the elder and asked Knowledge, another elder, “Who helped me?” “It was Time,” Knowledge answered. “Time?” asked Love. “But why did Time help me?” Knowledge smiled with deep wisdom and answered, “Because, only Time is capable of understanding how great Love is.”

Friday, June 3, 2011

Ramayan @ 2067


So have we ever thought about what will happen to our Tamil Epics and literary works in another say 50-60 years??? Every other Indian busy with his own survival will they even care about who Rama and Sita are??

Year 2067:
Ah.. there I see a elder brother telling Ramayan to his younger bro , just because he was forced to tell..
"So, like this dude had, like, a big cool kingdom and people liked him. But, like, his step-mom, or something, was kind of a bitch, and she forced her husband to, like, send this cool-dude,he was Ram, to some national forest or something... Since he was going, for like, something like more than 10 years or so.. he decided to get his wife and his bro along... you know...so that they could all chill out together.

But Dude, the forest was reeeeal scary shit... really man...they had monkeys and devils and shit like that.But this dude, Ram, kicked with darts and bows and arrows... so it was fine.But then some bad gangsta boys, some jerk called Ravan, picks up his babe(Sita) and lures her away to his hood. And, boy, was our man, and also his bro,Laxman, pissed..... all the gods were with him... So anyways, you don't mess withgods. So, Ram, and his bro get an army of monkeys.. Dude, don't ask me how they trained the damn monkeys... just go along with me, ok...

So, Ram, Lax and their monkeys whip this gangsta's assin his own hood. Anyways, by this time, their time's up in the forest..and anyways...it gets kinda boring,you know... no TV or malls or shit like that. So,they decided to hitch a ride back home...and when the people realize that our dude, his bro and the wife are back home... they thought, well, you know, at least they deserve something nice... and they didn't have any bars or clubs in those days... so they couldn't take them out for a drink, so they, like, decided to smoke and shit...and since they also had some lamps, they lit the lamps also...so it was pretty cooool... you know with all those fireworks...Really, they even had some local band play along with the fireworks...and you know, what, dude, that was the very first, no kidding.., that was the very first music-synchronized fireworks... you know, like the 4th of July stuff, but just, more cooler and stuff,you know... Thats it dude.. Ramayan is over and Mahabharath.. lemme think..dude thats another long story.are you gonna spend time on some stories that never even hapened?? To make it easier just change the lead role it Krishnan here.. And btw both Ram and Krish are avatars of Lord Vishnu.. and later during the early 2004 or something Hrithik roshan was Krish and made a lot of money.. thats it buddy lets hang out somewhere..."
And these two kids might probably be my kids ;-)

Afterword : BJP guys and for all those wierd sanyasis who are ready to chop Mr.Karunanithi's head off, the above post was just a figment and I have all the due respect for Ram and Krish.

She was mine................


It was a cold winter night and the moon lay hidden beneath the clouds. Silence engulfed the air due to the lateness of the hour. I was on my way back from an old friend's house. I pondered over what I had witnessed there. Due to some unknown reason, Abhishek seemed very distant towards me. I noticed that much of his hands and face was covered in ugly scars. When I asked him the reason, he blatantly refused to talk about it.


I had been walking for what seemed like half an hour. Though I was quite sure I was alone on the road, I kept having the eerie feeling of being watched. I stopped and looked around but saw nothing unusual. I started walking again keeping my eyes and ears open for any sign of unwanted company.


Within a few minutes, I was in front of the gate to my house. Just as I opened the gate, a cold wave of air swept past me. I felt a shiver run down my spine. I had never felt such coldness even in the severest of winters. I thought it best to get inside the warmth and solitude of my home and enjoy a quiet cup of coffee in front of the fireplace. I entered and proceeded towards the kitchen to make some coffee. As I was in the process, I glanced outside through the window. For a moment I felt sure I had seen the rosebush move even though there seemed to be no trace of any wind blowing. Just to make sure, I opened the front door and stepped outside. Ice cold air stung my face. Again I had an uneasy feeling of being watched. But somehow I was aware that I had nothing to be afraid of it, whatever it was. Maybe it was afraid of me. I smiled at the thought. How could something which I couldn’t even see be afraid of me? I spoke in the gentlest voice I could muster, "Don’t be afraid. You can come inside if you want to. It’s pretty cold out here." For a while I waited, hoping for something to happen but nothing did. I went back inside but kept the door open in case it changed it's mind. I sat down by the fire and waited…






Bright sunlight forced me to open my eyes. My neck was stiff since I had fallen asleep on the chair. It was about 7 A.M. I got up and closed the door. As I pushed aside the curtains, I saw something written on the condensed dew on the window pane, 'Love me, Love me, Love me'.


I got the news of Abhishek's death a few hours later. The cause of his death was uncertain. Before dying, he had scribbled a note on a piece of paper with his blood. It read, 'She was mine'.


Even then I was thinking about the thing.The thing that I felt yesterday night had definitely come inside the house. I couldn’t see it but I felt it by the coldness around me. It would turn up in every corner of the house. Till now it had never shown its bodily form. Many a times, I would find the same thing written at random places with blood, 'Love me, Love me, Love me'.


One night I was sitting by the fire after dinner reading the papers. As I put down the papers, I was taken aback to see a woman sitting in front of me. She wore white clothes and even her skin was as white as snow. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Her deep blue eyes stared at me with deep anticipation. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. I got up and went near her. As I extended my hand to touch her face, a cold wave of air swept passed me and she disappeared. At that moment, I realized who she was.


After this incident, she started showing herself more often. I would find her staring at me with those beautiful blue eyes of hers with what clearly was a smile on her face. But more often, I would find her sitting on her favorite chair; the chair I had sat the night she had followed me home. I started calling her Jynx. I would sit for hours in front of the fire at night, talking to her. I poured down my deepest secrets and desires out to her. I had no idea why I was doing this but something told me I had to, as if I had no other choice. I would go on for hours without a single word from Jynx. Eveytime I looked at her, a thought crossed my mind, 'I was falling in love with her, falling in love with a spirit'.


Weeks passed by without me getting out of my house. By now, I had got used to the coldness around me. It had become my habit to wish Jynx goodnight when I went to sleep. She would sit beside me the whole night and I would find her staring at me when I woke up in the morning. One night, I was sitting by the fire. Jynx, as usual was at her favourite chair staring at me. As I looked at her, the look in her eyes told me that she wanted me to come close to her. I walked over to her and extended my hand towards her. Then, as I had expected, she extended her hand and put it over mine. I felt my hand freeze. The coldness around me increased. My head started spinning. I fell down and as I felt myself losing consciousness, I muttered out the words – 'I love you'.


The next night, I invited a friend to dinner. After dinner, we were sitting by the fire. Jynx was sitting on her favourite chair, staring at Ganesh.


"It’s so cold in here...", Ganseh was saying.


"You look so tired. You should take a vacation."


"I...can’t go." I said looking at Jynx. "I have work here."


Jynx was still staring at Ganesh.


"What happened to your hand?"


"Nothing. Just burnt it." I had tried to hide my hand but Ganesh had seen the bandages.


"Well, I must be going now. It’s pretty late. By the way, do you have any idea what exactly could’ve happened with Abhishek?"


"I have no idea." I knew what had happened but if I told him he would think I was crazy.

"Well, see you then."

I closed the door and went back to Jynx. As I sat down in front of her, I saw a tear roll down her cheek. I knew the time had come. Jynx put her hands on my face. A piece of rotten flesh fell down to the floor. I knew that wherever she would touch me, the blood would dry up and the flesh would rot. But I was helpless. I was in love. Her hands slid down to my chest where my heart was. I knew in a few moments, my heart would freeze up, forever trapping my love for her. I felt my knees getting weaker and I stumbled to the floor. Somehow I made it to the window and saw Jynx following Ganesh. I knew in a few moments I would die. As everything around me grew darker, I heard myself say, "She was mine..."

15 Lessons that my parents learnt from me!!

Note: Bringing up a baby is an experience in itself. Bringing up a nutty baby gives wisdom

The following points are important lessons that my parents learnt in the first five years of my life when they tried to bring me up.

1) A king size water bed holds enough water to fill your neighbours house four inches deep.

2) If you pour kerosene on the leather cushion cover and light them with match sticks, they can ignite.

3) A 3-year-old's voice is louder than the priest's voice in a temple.

4) Keep paintbrushes out of reach of children, if you dont want a 'colour' TV - literally..

5) You should not throw tennis balls up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a tennis ball a long way

6) Always have wooden windows. Never ever have glass windows.

7) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "hehehe", it's already too late.

8) Never ever insert a screw driver inside the electric-power socket.

9) A magnifying glass can burn your feet even on an overcast day. So parents! stay away from your children when they have a magnifying glass in their hands

10) When your three year old is playing with a small bean and if the bean can't be seen, chances are that the bean will be inside the nose or the ears of the child.

11) Chewing gums can also be swallowed.

12) If your child is less than two years of age and if he is not wearing his nappy, do mind your steps.

13) A 4 year old kid can throw his neighbour's keys into the gutter and make his father take it out :)

14) Your child might eat, sleep or even poop only if his favorite 'He-Man' toy does it :) Yes, he/she can be that ridiculous.

15) Kids can eat 12 gulab-jamoons without any difficulty. Seriously!!

Enthiran - Funny parts!

1. In 2010, many "DIY" Robot kits are easily available, so you can order them online, get it delivered, unpack and assemble them to make your own robot.

2. Plug-and-copy programming cassettes for Martial Arts, Music, Dance, Language and GK come as freebies. They easily make your robot smarter, so you don't have to break your head in writing codes. (May be shankar didnt show this scene to reduce the movie length :) )

3. A fresher graduate and a HSC pass are the ideal assistants for a scientist building the World's "most advanced" robot.



4. Technology in 2010 has suddenly become advanced that you can virtually see-through the fetus with a multi-purpose 'eye-sized' device, far better than the latest 6-tonne CT/MRI scanners.

5. The robot designed for battle fields is also programmed to sing classical songs and perform break dances, so that it can entertain the soldiers relaxing in the borders.

6. The robot when produced in large scale for Indian defense will come up with a Caution note: "Ensure you drive the generator trucks to the battle front, for charging the robots in "sleeping" mode

7. A humanoid robot will always introduce itself with its speed and memory specifications, just like human beings announce their height and weight.

8. A complex humanoid robot cannot follow a simple instruction to walk forward just because it is built by the bad man.

9. The same robot, purportedly built to kill people, can be easily knocked off the ground with bare-hands, just in case it accidentally tries to "kill" you.

10. A robot during test run has to be handled carefully, or it may misinterpret commands like "shoot" lie on ground and start mating actions.

11. When Chitti is in a romantic mood, its metal limbs become soft and cushioned so that when he plays with Aish hurled up in air, she does not get hurt.

12. When a scientist is clean shaven, it certainly means that he is not currently busy with his research or his creation is completed. (ithu paarambariyum)

13. Only a super-robot can help a student cheat her exams not you or me, even if we have blue tooth or wi-fi gadgets.

14. Goons and Rowdies in India have amazing stamina. They can handle over two dozen blows each, even if they are smacked off by metal 'arms'.


15. When you increase the volume of an expensive music system to its rated maximum, not only the glasses shatter due to shockwaves, the system themselves may blow up. (What kinda system is that ? )

16. When people climb on the back of Chitti, they too acquire its fire-resistance capabilities and they come out of fire-engulfed building totally unharmed.

17. Slum dwellers nowadays watch too many commercials of sanitary ware that they have started bathing in their own makeshift bath tubs.

18. A woman so concerned about her modesty, can sometimes forget about it. For instance, she thinks its 'cool' to stay naked in the bath tub, even when the house is on fire.

19. The Chennai police are so excited with their newly acquired sub-machine guns that they try them generously on the robot, not bothered about Aishwarya, whom they are supposed to save, sitting just besides.

20. When the self-thinking robot plans to replicate itself, it follows the same procedure of ordering DIY kits through Amazon, this time in bulk quantities.

21. The assembling of these complex robots are usually done on chairs like the ones you are sitting on right now.

22. The magazine casing for the newly developed finger tip gun can be made of plastics, similar to Mach 3 turbo razor pack.

23. A robot designed to replace 100 soldiers on international borders, can be easily turned off by hitting the red color emergency button on its chest.

24. Power from a car battery is sufficient for an android robot to perform its "heavy" duties, equivalent to what gasoline or electricity can give. (coz it requires just 2 volts current)

25. Robots can combine to form a 10 storey tall gigantic, powerful serpent, but it simply fires the enemies with a single gun

26. Their leather jackets are so durable that when the robots make a formation and drill through the surface, they are still as good as new.

27. When all robots are called to line up for the black sheep identification parade, Dr. Vasi also has to join them as there is no place to hide.

28. The research scientists in Robot institute often develop ideas when they are on tour, so they made a hi-tech bus with all consoles and park it outside ready for the next trip.

29. Nowadays judgments in courts are rapidly settled, sometimes ‘instantly’. For e.g., it takes less than 2 min for the judges to reverse the death sentence they just gave to Dr Vasi.

30. The movie was good and i enjoyed it thoroughly.

Wait for the real review... just as a Rajini Fan... :

So.. who loves you?

Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you've never shared with any other soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that might never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can't wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful.

There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it's like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn't exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day's work and always brings a smile to your face.



In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind - like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never thought was possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure which is so real; it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.. and they will always be!

She might not be perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes; hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give.

Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there..and love her always! :)

The R factor!

This was created/compiled when there was a Rajini rage post Enthiran. Though its kind of late, its still Rajini!




Rajinikanth knows Victoria’s secret.


Rajini CAN talk about the Fight Club


When God watched Enthiran climax, he gasped - "Oh my Rajini"!


Rajinikant has a wax statue of Madame Tussauds in his house.


The missing piece in APPLE logo was eaten by Rajinikanth!!


Rajnikanth is the secret of Boost!

When Rajinikanth smokes, he gives cancer to the cigarettes!!


Dogs do it the Rajinikanth-style !!


Once death had a near rajinikanth experience !


When Rajinikanth plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.


If Rajnikanth pokes you on facebook, you will bleed...!


Rajinikanth predicted Nostradamus' birth


RajInikanth let the dogs out!


Rajanikanth never ever failed in any exam, while everyone else in the class always failed, because whatever he wrote was the answer!


No one but Rajinikanth knows the answer to this question "Choli ke peeche kya hai?"


Intel's new Tag line - "Rajinikanth Inside"


Rajinikanth verified Twitter


Mark zuckerberg sent Rajini a friend request! (nobody knows he declined it ;))


Rajinikanth wrote a cheque... And the bank bounced back.


Neil Armstrong’s famous line on the moon was: “One giant leap for mankind, a small step for Rajinikanth”

Edison did 1000 mistakes to get one bulb... had he come to Rajinikanth, he would've got one straight away!

Rajinikanth kills Harry Potter in the eighth book.

Rajinikanth once ordered a plate of idli in McDonald’s, and got it faster than its french fries.

Rajinikanth had died 20 yrs ago..death hasn’t built up the courage to tell him yet.

Jesus can walk on water ...but Rajinikanth can swim through land..!

Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Rajinikanth’s PC will crash.

Only Rajini knows How I met your mother!