Never lie to your mom!!!!!!!

A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and his roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, his son volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just roommates."

About a week later, his roommate came to him saying, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

He said ,"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."

He sat down and wrote :
Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you ‘did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you ‘did not' take the silver plate .. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love,
your son

Several days later, he received an email from his Mother which read:

Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you ‘do' sleep with your roommate, and I'm not saying that you ‘do not' sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now, under the pillow…

Love,
Mom.

Never lie to your mom!!!!!!!

Never play with words to women!

A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.

Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.

The wife answers: "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"

The husband laughs and says: "An Italian girl!!!" The woman kept quiet and left.

Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: "So, honey, how was the trip?"

"Very good, thank you." "And, what happened to my present?"

"Which present?" She asked.

"The one I asked for - an Italian girl!!"

"Oh, that" she said "Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for 9 months to see if it is a girl)

Moral of the Story: Requirements should be explicit, Elaborate and clearly communicated.

Vacuumized!!!!!!!!!!

A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the first house of the street.

A tall lady open the door.

Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.

"Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful Vacuum cleaner in the next 10 mins, I will EAT all this dung!"

Exclaimed the eager salesman.

"Do you need chilly sauce or ketchup with that" asked the lady.

The bewildered salesman asked, "Why, madam?? "

"There's no electricity in the house..." said the lady.

Moral of the story:

Gather all requirements and resources before working on any project and committing to the client...!!!

Childish Tea

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me.

I was maybe 3 years old,

and someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a gift.

It was one of my favorite toys.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought him

a little cup of 'tea', which was just water.

After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mum came home.

My Dad made her sit quietly in another room,

so mum could watch me bring dad the cup of tea, because I was so cute.

Mum waited, and sure enough, I came walking down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy.

Mum watches dad drink from the tea cup.

Then she says, (as only a mother would know......)

'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water, is the toilet ?'

How company policies are formed?

In this experiment they put eight monkeys in a room. In the middle of the room is a ladder, leading to a bunch of bananas hanging from a hook on the ceiling.

Each time a monkey tries to climb the ladder, all the monkeys are sprayed with ice water, which makes them miserable.

Soon enough, whenever a monkey attempts to climb the ladder, all of the other monkeys, not wanting to be sprayed, set upon him and beat him up.

Soon, none of the eight monkeys ever attempts to climb the ladder.

One of the original monkeys is then removed, and a new monkey is put in the room. Seeing the bananas and the ladder, he wonders why none of the other monkeys are doing the obvious, but, undaunted, he immediately begins to climb the ladder.

All the other monkeys fall upon him and beat him silly. He has no idea why. However, he no longer attempts to climb the ladder.

A second original monkey is removed and replaced.

The newcomer again attempts to climb the ladder, but all the other monkeys hammer the crap out of him.

This includes the previous new monkey, who, grateful that he's not on the receiving end this time, participates in the beating because all the other monkeys are doing it.

However, he has no idea why he's attacking the new monkey.

One by one, all the original monkeys are replaced, eight new monkeys are now in the room. None of them have ever been sprayed by ice water. None of them attempt to climb the ladder.

All of them will enthusiastically beat up any new monkey who tries, without having any idea why.

AND THAT'S HOW VERY MANY COMPANY POLICIES & PROCEDURES GET ESTABLISHED

7 Dangerous acts after a meal

1. Don’t smoke: Experiments from experts proves that smoking a cigarette after meal is comparable to smoking 10 cigarettes (chances of cancer is higher) 


2. Don’t eat fruits immediately: Immediately eating fruits after meals will cause stomach to be bloated with air. Thre fore take fruits 1 -2 hours after meal or 1 hour before meal.


3. Don’t drink tea: Because tea leaves contain a high content of acid. This substance will cause the protein content in the food we consume to be hundred thus difficult to digest.


4. Don’t loosen your belt: Loosening the belt after meal will easily cause the intestine to be twisted and blocked. 


5. Don’t bathe: Bathing after meal will cause the increase of blood flow to the hands, legs and body thus the amount of blood around the stomach will therefore decrease, this will weaken the digestive system in our stomach.


6. Don’t walk about: People always say that after a meal walk a hundred steps and you will live till 99. In actual fact this is not true. Walking will cause the digestive system to be unable to absorb the nutrition from the food we intake.


7. Don’t sleep immediately: The food we intake will not be to digest properly. Thus will lead to gastric and infection in our intestine.


Okay, I seriously have a question. What else should we do, is there any other options????

Always allow the Boss to Speak FIRST!!!!!!!

A junior Software engineer, a senior Software engineer and their PM are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come 
across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost Says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but
as you are three, I will allow one wish each". 


So the eager Junior Software engineer shouted, I
want the first wish.
I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries.

"Pfufffff and he was gone.


Now the Senior Software engineer could not keep
quiet and shouted " I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty
of food and cocktails.
"Pfufffff and he was also gone.


The PM calmly said," I want these two idiots back
in the office after lunch at 1.30pm"

Moral of the story is: Always allow the boss to speak first"

The Real Interviewee

Honestly, we will have these answers in our mind ... but we give different, tailored and suitable answers to the guy !

1. Why did you apply for this job?

I have applied for many jobs along with this and you called me now.

2. Why do you want to work for this company?

I have to work for some company who ever gives me a job, I don't have any specific company in mind.
3. Why should I hire you?

You have to hire some one, you may give me a try.

4. What would you do if this happened?

Well, it depends my mindset and mood at that situation...

5. What is your biggest strength?

Basically, daring to join any company who pays me well, without thinking of the fate of company

6.What is your biggest weakness?

Girls

7. What was your worst mistake, and how did you learn from it?

Joining my earlier company and learnt that I need to jump to get more money, so I am here today

8. What accomplishments in your last position are you most proud of?

Had I accomplished any in my last position, why do I need to change my job? I could demand more and stay there.

9. Describe a challenge you faced and how you overcame it?

Biggest challenge is answering the question "why are you looking for a change" and I started blabbering irrelevantly to overcome that.

10. Why did you leave/ are you leaving your last job?

For the same reason why you left your earlier job

11. What do you want from this job?

If no work is given but keep giving good hikes

12. What are your career goals and how do you plan to achieve them?

Make more money and for that keep jumping companies for every 2 yrs

13. Did you hear of our company and what do you know of us?

Yeah, I know that you will ask this, I've gone through your website

14. What is the salary expected and how do justify that?

Well, no one will change job for the same salary, hence, give me 20% extra than what I am getting and that is unpublished industry standard
(I know you will bargain on what ever I ask, hence, I have already hiked my current salary by 30%)

Watch this..... !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! H ah ha aha ha

Tagged again!

I realized I have been serious in my blog recently. But all I could think was serious stuff :) But then I never could think of something light to write.. SAD!! seriously... So I resigned to a tag thing! Here it goes...

I am: a bit confused.

I think: I am losing my mind here!
I know: that I am God’s biggest mistake!
I want: to go home right now!
I have: been thinking something… Hmmm…
I wish: for more wishes!
I hate: a few people in my life, but can’t really help it! 
I miss: being in love!
I fear: slimy insects!
I feel: the urge to scream out loud…
I hear: deafening silence!
I smell: (right now) coffee!
I crave: for thayir sadam, manga urugai, chicken briyani, thalcha, home made ayira meen kozhambu! nothing better!
I search: for the one who shall remain forever.
I wonder: if I can finish my work in time today…
I regret: not being able to hold on to her!
I love: the smell of rain in summer.
I ache: when I twist my body in an awkward angle!
I care: not one bit for the political jerks in the world! 
I am not: a religious guy!
I believe: I can fly!
I dance: when I am high!  (which is never)
I sing: in the bathroom and while riding the bike!
I cry: not…
I don’t always: tell the truth!

I fight: with myself a lot!
I write: to please the Reader! (remember, I'm one too! :) )
I win: always!
I lose: never!
I never: lose! 
I always: try not to repeat myself!
I listen: very well…seriously!
I can usually be found: online!
I am scared: of my own shadow! It’s a very powerful piece of dark magic!
I need: to be constantly reminded of my own mortality!
I am happy about: what I am!

Amazing Facts

In the world of romance, one single rule applies to men:
Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:
***********
SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the rain (+8) But return with Beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-10)
***********
SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)
Named Rita (-4)
Rita is a dancer (-6)
Rita is single and is really beautiful (-80)
***********
HER BIRTHDAY
You forget her birthday (-50000)
You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)
***********
A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)
***********
ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response (-20)
***********
COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks
like a concerned __expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)
Now what chance do you have???


Pass it on to the poor fellas for info !

I Will

In 1980, IDBI bank rejected loan for Ambani.

In 2008, Mukesh Ambani was planning to buy IDBI bank.

this shows nothing is impossible...

now in 2009, HDFC bank rejected loan for me...

but in 2020, I'm planning to....
;;; ;;;;;;

Apply for loan again!

Court Disorders @ it Best

There is a book called Disorder in the Court. These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters – who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

Some of these are excellent …
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the accident?
A: Gucci sweatshirt and Reeboks.

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: By whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere

Check before you Send

A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room,
so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife.

However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and without
realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile….Somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned from her
husband’s funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting condolence
messages from relatives and friends.

After reading the first message, she fainted. The
widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and
saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I’ve Reached
Date: 16 May 2004

I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They gave computers here,
and we are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones.

I’ve just reached and have been checked in.
I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Only great minds can read this 

This is weird, but interesting!   If yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too 

   

  Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. 
  i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it 

An Amazing Love Story

He met her on a party. She was so outstanding, many guys chasing after her, while he so normal, nobody paid attention to him. At the end of the party, he invited her to have coffee with him, she was surprised, but due to being polite, she promised. They sat in a nice coffee shop, he was  too nervous to say anything, she felt uncomfortable, she thought, please, let me go home…. suddenly he asked the waiter. “would you please give me some salt? I’d like to put it in my coffee.”

Everybody stared at him, so strange! His face turned red, but still, he put the salt in his coffee and drank it. She asked him curiously; why you have this hobby? He replied: “when I was a little boy, I was living near the sea, I like playing in the sea, I could feel the taste of the sea, just like the taste of the salty coffee. Now every time I have the salty coffee, I always think of my childhood, think of my hometown, I miss my hometown so much, I miss my parents who are still living there”. While saying that tears filled his eyes. She was deeply touched.
That’s his true feeling, from the bottom of his heart. A man who can tell out his homesickness, he must be a man who loves home, cares about home, has responsibility of home. Then she also started to speak, spoke about her faraway hometown, her childhood, her family. That was a really nice talk, also a beautiful beginning of their story.
They continued to date. She found that actually he was a man who meets all her demands; he had tolerance, was kind hearted, warm, careful. He was such a good person but she almost missed him! Thanks to his salty coffee!
Then the story was just like every beautiful love story , the princess married to the prince, then they were living the happy life… And, every time she made coffee for him, she put some salt in the coffee, as she knew that’s the way he liked it.


After 40 years, he passed away, left her a letter which said: “My dearest, please forgive me, forgive my whole life lie. This was the only lie I said to you—the salty coffee. Remember the first time we dated? I was so nervous at that time, actually I wanted some sugar, but I said salt It was hard for me to change so I just went ahead.I never thought that could be the start of our communication! I tried to tell you the truth many times in my life, but I was too afraid to do that, as I have promised not to lie to you for anything..


Now I’m dying, I afraid of nothing so I tell you the truth: “I don’t like the salty coffee, what a strange bad taste.. But I have had the salty coffee for my whole life! Since I knew you, I never feel sorry for anything I do for you. Having you with me is my biggest happiness for my whole life. If I can live for the second time, still want to know you and have you for my whole life, even though I have to drink the salty coffee again”.
Her tears made the letter totally wet. Someday, someone asked her: what’s
the taste of salty coffee?




“It’s sweet”. She replied.

What is Love??

Once up on a Valentines Day...

Timmy: Daddy Daddy...

Dad: Yes Timmy !

Timmy: Daddy, I've got an assignment to write for school. Will you help me? Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Dad: Oh ! Okay !! What's yr assignment on?

Timmy: Love !

Dad: Wow ! You have an assignment on it ? In my days, the teachers were against our er... assignments ;)

Timmy: No Dad, we are supposed to write something on the meaning of love...its Valentines day, na !

Dad: Love...hmm lemme see !

Timmy: wait..wait... Lemme write it down... :)

Dad: Love... Love is about Lies !

Timmy: Lies ???

Dad: You see, Timmy... All my life, i have said lies in love & i've found it to be the best gift you can give a person.

Timmy: How, Dad?

Dad: Well, the first time i met yr was for a Valentines day 7 yrs ago. She was not the hottest of chicks in college, if you know wt i mean...

Timmy: Hot chick ?

Dad: You get it in due time, son... ;)
Anyways... i saw this cute girl standing at a corner of the dance floor. I heard one of my friends say that she couldn't get any date for the party. 
So here i was, cursing my luck as my date's grandmom expired n that left me in the same predicament ?

Timmy: Pedica ??

Dad: Predicament...means..eh, problem !

Timmy: Oh...

Dad: So i went upto yr Mom n told her.."Hey, How come such a beautiful lady like you does not have all the guys crooning over you?"
Now, i knew very well that even i wouldn't have asked her to dance if i had a choice, but it was that one little lie that got us together !

Timmy: But Dad, aint it bad to lie ?

Dad: Son, sometimes you have to lie to make the ppl you love happy !
Every Valentines day after that, i used to tell yr mom that she was the most beautiful girl in the whole world.
Now yes, i think she's cute & pretty in a special kind of way, but you tell me...Do you think she has the legs of Sharon Stone and the figure of Alicia Silverstone ?

Timmy: Eh... I dont know any of these stones, dad !

Dad: Hmm.. ok...Lets just say that yr mom was just an ordinary Wilma from the Flintstones !

Timmy: I know Wilma ! I know Wilma !!

Dad: Hehe... & then again...
When yr mom was pregnant with you... she used to ask me every day how she looked ? Did she look fat ?
Now frankly, she had gained about 30-40 pounds... & was always in one of her moods..
But i'd tell her.."Nooooooooooooo Honey, you are glowing ! You look fabulous !!
Now if i told her she looked like a fat cow, it would have hurt her !

Timmy: Ya...

Dad: So you see son...Love is when you say those little lies to keep someone happy !
ok... i've gotta go now... All the best with yr assignment...

Timmy: Bye Dad !

............................

Timmy: Love means lying ??? Maybe i'll ask Mom
Mommyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy...

Timmy: Mom..Mom... i have an assignment for school...you will help me, na !

Mom: Timmy, you know i'v to go out with daddy in another 1/2 hr

Timmy: Pleaseeeeeeeee Mommy !

Mom: ok...Timmy. wts the topic ?

Timmy: Eh... Love !

Mom: Love...Love is about knowing the goodness of a person's heart, honey !

Timmy: Goodness of heart ? huh ?

Mom: Its like this...
When i was in college, yr Dad used to tell me i should be in hollywood. Now i knew he was just lying, but i also knew that he dint want me in hollywood, but rt next to him!
& when i was pregnant, i used to look so fat i looked like Santa Claus ! But yr Dad would say i was looked weak n would feed me everything he could find !
His lies were so dumb, i even thought i had married a stupid...but the truth is that this stupid cared enough to lie...just to make me happy !

Timmy: But... he was lying, rt ?

Mom: Well honey...he was just being a guy !
& i knew everytime that he was lying to me... but every single time, i also knew that he said those lies coz he loved me !


Timmy: Hmm...

Mom: Ok honey... i'v to go get ready now. byeeeee

........................

Assignment
Topic : Love
Author : Timmy  

Love... When someone lies to you n you smile... coz you know the person cares enough for yr happyness to lie to you !!!  

The End

See your own fault

A man feared his wife wasn'thearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearingaid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor todiscuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal testthe husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearingloss.

“Here'swhat you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away fromher, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you.If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."

That evening, the wifeis in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself,"I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens." Then in a normaltone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?"

No response.

So the husband movesto closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey,what's for dinner?"

Still no response.

Next he moves into thedining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, Honey, what'sfor dinner?"

Again he gets no response so,

He walks up to the kitchendoor, about 10 feet away. "Honey,what's for dinner?"

Again there is no response.

So he walks right upbehind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?"

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

"James, for theFIFTH time I've said, CHICKEN!"

Conclusion; It’s Quite Humorous,but it depicts the reality.

The problem maynot be with the other one as we always think, could be very much withinus, however often we end up blaming others!

Dedicated to all Angels

Once upon a time there was a child ready to be born. So one day he asked God: “They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?”

God replied, “Among the many angels, I chose one for you. She will be waiting for you and will take care of you.”

“But tell me, here in Heaven, I don’t do anything else but sing and smile, that’s enough for me to be happy.”

“Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you every day. And you will feel your angel’s love and be happy.”

“And how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me, if I don’t know the language that men talk?”

“Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak.”

“And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?”

“Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray.”

“I’ve heard that on earth there are bad men. Who will protect me?”

“Your angel will defend you even if it means risking its life.”

“But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore.”

“Your angel will always talk to you about me and will teach you the way for you to come back to me, even though I will always be next to you.”

At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from earth could already be heard, and the child in a hurry asked softly:

“Oh God, if I am about to leave now, please tell me my angel’s name.”

“Your angel’s name is of no importance, you will call your angel: Mommy.”

Elevator Truths

An Amish father and his oldest son were visiting a mall one day.

They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The son asked, “What is this Father?”

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.”

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, an overweight old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son “Go get your Mother.”

No Second Chance

Obama goes on a State visit to Israel. While he is on a tour of Jerusalem, he has a fatal heart attack.

The undertakers tells the US diplomats: “You can have him shipped home for $1 million or you can bury him here in the Holy Land for $100.”

The US diplomats go into a huddle and come back to the undertaker and tell him they still want Obama flown home.

The undertaker is puzzled and asks: “Why would you spend $1 million to get him home when it would be wonderful to be buried here in this religious country and you would only spend $100?”

One diplomat replied: “More than 2000 years ago a man died there, was buried there, and just 3 days later he rose from the dead. We simply can’t take that risk.”

Wife's Reply

Wife replies to her husband




Dear Ex-Husband,
Nothing has made my day more enjoyable than receiving your letter. It’s true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a ‘good man’ is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. It’s just too bad it doesn’t work.


Yes, I did notice when you got a hair cut last week,,,and actually the first thing that came to my mind was “You look just like a girl”,,, but my mother raised me not to say anything at all if you can’t say anything nice. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with my SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because the price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was just a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your silk boxers were $49.99!!
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for twenty million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Hawaii. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you’ve always wanted.

My lawyer said with the letter that you wrote, you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed: Rich As Hell and Freeeeeeeeeeee!


P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this but my sister ‘Carla’…was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem for you.
Hahaaa. Hope you like =)

BreakUp letter 4rm Husband

Husband writes to his wife




Dear Wife,

I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you for good. I’ve been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn’t even notice that I had gotten a new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal, and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers later that night.
You came home, nibbled at your food for two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore, you don’t want sex anymore or anything. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me. Whichever is the case…..I’m gone.


Signed,
Your EX-Husband


P.S. Don’t try to find me. Your sister and I are moving away to West Virginia together. Have a great life!




>> Read the wife's reply in the next Post <<< Its cracking

Love Story

Once upon a time, there was an island where all the feelings lived: Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all of the others including Love. One day it was announced to the feelings that the island would sink, so all repaired their boats and left.

Love wanted to persevere until the last possible moment. When the island was almost sinking, Love decided to ask for help. Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat. Love said, “Richness, can you take me with you?” Richness answered, “No, I can’t. There is a lot of gold and silver in my boat. There is no place here for you.”

Love decided to ask Vanity who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel, “Vanity, please help me!” “I can’t help you Love. You are all wet and might damage my boat.” Vanity answered.

Sadness was close by so Love asked for help, “Sadness, let me go with you.” “Oh….Love, I am so sad that I need to be by myself!”

Happiness passed by Love too, but he was so happy that she did not even hear when Love called her!

Suddenly, there was a voice, “Come Love, I will take you.” It was an elder. Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that he even forgot to ask the elder his name. When they arrived at dry land, the elder went his own way.

Love realizing how much he owed the elder and asked Knowledge, another elder, “Who helped me?” “It was Time,” Knowledge answered. “Time?” asked Love. “But why did Time help me?” Knowledge smiled with deep wisdom and answered, “Because, only Time is capable of understanding how great Love is.”